The Day I First Found Love
I would like to share my story with you hoping that somehow it will be a blessing to your life. As a child I went through several experiences that influenced my direction.
Being born in Los Angeles, California, into a poor Hispanic family, I witnessed my father’s alcoholism, constant fighting with my mom, and serious threats and abuse, ended up in our family splitting up. I ended up going to drugs at an early age of 7 years old. I had so much anger and pain locked up inside and no way to get it out. My parents got divorced and it broke my heart. My mother just left. She left me when I was 12 years old and the very same day I felt my whole person just lock up inside me. I really needed her love and affirmation but she was just gone.
I went to gang banging and a life of crime so full of hurt… so full of anger… I needed love. That road got tougher and tougher by the minute. I got arrested at the age of 12 years old for vagrancy and gang activity, which took three whole months in Sylmar Juvenile hall. I thought I was never going to get out. I was back in 3 weeks. I became a constant prisoner in and out of jail until I was 18 years old.
Central Juvenile Hall, Los Padrinos Juvenile Hall, Camp Gonzales in Calabasas, Camp Smith in Lancaster, Camp Resnick, Camp Onasuka, Camp Jarvis, Camp so and so, Camp so and so… I did so much violence in the times that I was out, I did so much drugs, so much anger… so much pain… And my mom… was nowhere to be seen. I ended up running the streets living a miserable empty life full of problems and severe mistakes. I didn’t have much to look forward to in life and I wasn’t even a grown up yet. My brother and I took to a serious life of gang banging and illegal misconduct. The court system ended up refilling my case due to me getting into too many fights… I just felt numb… I WAS A CRIMINAL… I WAS A PRISONER.
I ended up in a military style boot camp that they called Beautiful Arizona Boys Ranch. The very first day there, three army staff beat me up and proceeded to teach me discipline. For two long years I was restructured (so-called) to be disciplined and mean by the military men. I couldn’t even go to the bathroom without asking for permission and I had only 25 seconds in there which I had to be counting out loud the entire time. One Sir!, Two Sir!, Three Sir!… It was freezing cold in those out-houses, if I counted too slow, they would drag you out no matter what you were doing. I got dragged out and thrown across the dirt ground twice. We would march, work and exercise all day long. When it was time to eat, we could only take one bite at a time, put the food down, put our arms down, and then with permission take another bite… how I wished I could be eating in some fantasy nice house with a nice family and a mom that made me food. I had tattooed my body and face to the point that I was singled out by the Army staff, yelled at and spit at regularly. I felt so trapped and hurt. I was at Arizona Boys Camp for two long years. I was learning the tough ways of an adolescent, which is under ward of the court, until… Something drastic happened. The Military staff ended up killing a boy that I first worked with. I would often show him all the do’s and don’ts. I was close to him and did my best to teach him not to make the mistakes that I had done in there. He had a severe case of asthma and was pushed to the limits and after about a month of being there, he died. The newspapers came and the media got involved. The camp ended up closing down. I felt so alone.
I was transferred to another camp until I was 18 years old. The court system said that I could finally be released on one condition… that a family member would have to come and pick me up. At this point, I hit a dead end in my life. The first time I went to court… no one showed up for me, so I was taken back to Central juvenile hall. A month later, the second time I went back to court, … no one came for me, again. I went back to Juvenile hall. The third time I went to be released in court, they let me use the phone to call for somebody out there to come and pick me up. Maybe a relative or cousin or something… SOMEBODY???!!! No one wanted to come for me….
The public defender told me that it didn’t look good, that the court would issue me one more chance to be picked up by someone or else I would be sent to the California Youth Authority Facility for seven consecutive years. I didn’t know what to do! I didn’t’ know what to say! Why wasn’t any body there for me? Did anybody out there even care about me? Did anybody love me? I was again sent back to Juvenile hall… this time for the very last time. I WAS AT A DEFINATE DEAD END. I didn’t know where to turn. I remembered all of the crazy times. I remembered all of the lonely times.
I remembered that as a child, I had been walking to school one morning when somebody tried to tell me about a God named Jesus Christ. I didn’t want to hear it then, but right now, I needed help. I decided to call out to this “Jesus”. I didn’t know how to pray. I didn’t want anything fake. I had tried so many times to change. I had tried so many times to be different but I just couldn’t be different.
I cried out to Jesus. I asked him that if he could give me proof that he was real (not just someone telling me about him) I wanted to actually FEEL his presence so that I would give my life to Him. I wanted to actually see a miracle. I started weeping in my jail cell praying to be released from jail. I told God that I was so tired of my life that I really wanted to find him. When my very last court date finally came, I waited for somebody to show up… And all of the sudden an uncle of mine came. Huh? I couldn’t believe it! This uncle hated me! This uncle always gave me dirty looks and talked bad about me as a kid. Why in the world did he show up? I knew without a shadow of a doubt that God had answered my prayer… in the weirdest possible way!
This uncle took me to his house, yelled at me, set his rules straight, and under many conditions allowed me to stay with him in Burbank, California. I soon was enrolled in adult school classes to get my GED certificate, when I met a Christian lady that spoke to me about Jesus and invited me to church. I didn’t know what to expect. I hadn’t ever gone to a church except when I was very little I would fall asleep in those catholic places. When I finally decided to go to her church I was taken by surprise, what I felt in this awesome new place was incredible!!! I FELT LOVE! I couldn’t believe it!
I went back the second time and I received the baptism of the Holy Ghost speaking in other tongues as it says in the Bible (ACTS 1:8, ACTS 2:1-4, ACTS 10:44-48, ACTS 19:1-7). JESUS CHRIST WAS REAL AND ALIVE! I entered into a powerful Holy Ghost Filled Pentecostal Church that preached the Gospel of Jesus and the life of holiness, just like in the beginning! I was baptized in Jesus name soon after this and my life was completely transformed! I didn’t know how to read very well or even speak because my person had been trapped inside of me for so many years… BUT NOW I WAS FREE. NOW I WAS CLEAN. NOW I WAS HAPPY! I had been to so many jails but I didn’t even realize about the worst jail of all… the jail of a persons spirit, and from all of these… this God, Jesus Christ, set me free, instantly! He gave me joy, hope and what I have always wanted, LOVE. (When nobody else in the entire world could or would.) The day I received His precious Holy Spirit is when I found love. Now I live a happy and complete life. Jesus helped me remove my tattoos (Satan’s brands) by laser. Jesus gave me a new start. I now have a wonderful church family and a Pastor and pastor’s wife who really care and have taught me many things. God even helped me get a job. My mother was placed back into my life after so many years of missing her and Jesus has helped me to forgive and to love here so very much. I tell her this all the time and I respect her very much. I can’t believe how great God is and how much he really cares! He says in His Word that He came to seek and to save them which were lost, and that included me! He also wants to touch and help YOU too. There is nothing that Jesus cannot do! He is the ONE TRUE GOD and he knows who you are. And if I can say something to you that you would always remember, I would simply say; “FRIEND, JESUS TRULY LOVES YOU”. He really truly does.
Being born in Los Angeles, California, into a poor Hispanic family, I witnessed my father’s alcoholism, constant fighting with my mom, and serious threats and abuse, ended up in our family splitting up. I ended up going to drugs at an early age of 7 years old. I had so much anger and pain locked up inside and no way to get it out. My parents got divorced and it broke my heart. My mother just left. She left me when I was 12 years old and the very same day I felt my whole person just lock up inside me. I really needed her love and affirmation but she was just gone.
I went to gang banging and a life of crime so full of hurt… so full of anger… I needed love. That road got tougher and tougher by the minute. I got arrested at the age of 12 years old for vagrancy and gang activity, which took three whole months in Sylmar Juvenile hall. I thought I was never going to get out. I was back in 3 weeks. I became a constant prisoner in and out of jail until I was 18 years old.
Central Juvenile Hall, Los Padrinos Juvenile Hall, Camp Gonzales in Calabasas, Camp Smith in Lancaster, Camp Resnick, Camp Onasuka, Camp Jarvis, Camp so and so, Camp so and so… I did so much violence in the times that I was out, I did so much drugs, so much anger… so much pain… And my mom… was nowhere to be seen. I ended up running the streets living a miserable empty life full of problems and severe mistakes. I didn’t have much to look forward to in life and I wasn’t even a grown up yet. My brother and I took to a serious life of gang banging and illegal misconduct. The court system ended up refilling my case due to me getting into too many fights… I just felt numb… I WAS A CRIMINAL… I WAS A PRISONER.
I ended up in a military style boot camp that they called Beautiful Arizona Boys Ranch. The very first day there, three army staff beat me up and proceeded to teach me discipline. For two long years I was restructured (so-called) to be disciplined and mean by the military men. I couldn’t even go to the bathroom without asking for permission and I had only 25 seconds in there which I had to be counting out loud the entire time. One Sir!, Two Sir!, Three Sir!… It was freezing cold in those out-houses, if I counted too slow, they would drag you out no matter what you were doing. I got dragged out and thrown across the dirt ground twice. We would march, work and exercise all day long. When it was time to eat, we could only take one bite at a time, put the food down, put our arms down, and then with permission take another bite… how I wished I could be eating in some fantasy nice house with a nice family and a mom that made me food. I had tattooed my body and face to the point that I was singled out by the Army staff, yelled at and spit at regularly. I felt so trapped and hurt. I was at Arizona Boys Camp for two long years. I was learning the tough ways of an adolescent, which is under ward of the court, until… Something drastic happened. The Military staff ended up killing a boy that I first worked with. I would often show him all the do’s and don’ts. I was close to him and did my best to teach him not to make the mistakes that I had done in there. He had a severe case of asthma and was pushed to the limits and after about a month of being there, he died. The newspapers came and the media got involved. The camp ended up closing down. I felt so alone.
I was transferred to another camp until I was 18 years old. The court system said that I could finally be released on one condition… that a family member would have to come and pick me up. At this point, I hit a dead end in my life. The first time I went to court… no one showed up for me, so I was taken back to Central juvenile hall. A month later, the second time I went back to court, … no one came for me, again. I went back to Juvenile hall. The third time I went to be released in court, they let me use the phone to call for somebody out there to come and pick me up. Maybe a relative or cousin or something… SOMEBODY???!!! No one wanted to come for me….
The public defender told me that it didn’t look good, that the court would issue me one more chance to be picked up by someone or else I would be sent to the California Youth Authority Facility for seven consecutive years. I didn’t know what to do! I didn’t’ know what to say! Why wasn’t any body there for me? Did anybody out there even care about me? Did anybody love me? I was again sent back to Juvenile hall… this time for the very last time. I WAS AT A DEFINATE DEAD END. I didn’t know where to turn. I remembered all of the crazy times. I remembered all of the lonely times.
I remembered that as a child, I had been walking to school one morning when somebody tried to tell me about a God named Jesus Christ. I didn’t want to hear it then, but right now, I needed help. I decided to call out to this “Jesus”. I didn’t know how to pray. I didn’t want anything fake. I had tried so many times to change. I had tried so many times to be different but I just couldn’t be different.
I cried out to Jesus. I asked him that if he could give me proof that he was real (not just someone telling me about him) I wanted to actually FEEL his presence so that I would give my life to Him. I wanted to actually see a miracle. I started weeping in my jail cell praying to be released from jail. I told God that I was so tired of my life that I really wanted to find him. When my very last court date finally came, I waited for somebody to show up… And all of the sudden an uncle of mine came. Huh? I couldn’t believe it! This uncle hated me! This uncle always gave me dirty looks and talked bad about me as a kid. Why in the world did he show up? I knew without a shadow of a doubt that God had answered my prayer… in the weirdest possible way!
This uncle took me to his house, yelled at me, set his rules straight, and under many conditions allowed me to stay with him in Burbank, California. I soon was enrolled in adult school classes to get my GED certificate, when I met a Christian lady that spoke to me about Jesus and invited me to church. I didn’t know what to expect. I hadn’t ever gone to a church except when I was very little I would fall asleep in those catholic places. When I finally decided to go to her church I was taken by surprise, what I felt in this awesome new place was incredible!!! I FELT LOVE! I couldn’t believe it!
I went back the second time and I received the baptism of the Holy Ghost speaking in other tongues as it says in the Bible (ACTS 1:8, ACTS 2:1-4, ACTS 10:44-48, ACTS 19:1-7). JESUS CHRIST WAS REAL AND ALIVE! I entered into a powerful Holy Ghost Filled Pentecostal Church that preached the Gospel of Jesus and the life of holiness, just like in the beginning! I was baptized in Jesus name soon after this and my life was completely transformed! I didn’t know how to read very well or even speak because my person had been trapped inside of me for so many years… BUT NOW I WAS FREE. NOW I WAS CLEAN. NOW I WAS HAPPY! I had been to so many jails but I didn’t even realize about the worst jail of all… the jail of a persons spirit, and from all of these… this God, Jesus Christ, set me free, instantly! He gave me joy, hope and what I have always wanted, LOVE. (When nobody else in the entire world could or would.) The day I received His precious Holy Spirit is when I found love. Now I live a happy and complete life. Jesus helped me remove my tattoos (Satan’s brands) by laser. Jesus gave me a new start. I now have a wonderful church family and a Pastor and pastor’s wife who really care and have taught me many things. God even helped me get a job. My mother was placed back into my life after so many years of missing her and Jesus has helped me to forgive and to love here so very much. I tell her this all the time and I respect her very much. I can’t believe how great God is and how much he really cares! He says in His Word that He came to seek and to save them which were lost, and that included me! He also wants to touch and help YOU too. There is nothing that Jesus cannot do! He is the ONE TRUE GOD and he knows who you are. And if I can say something to you that you would always remember, I would simply say; “FRIEND, JESUS TRULY LOVES YOU”. He really truly does.