Healthy Marriages
Healthy marriages begin with biblical, practical relationship instruction we give to our teens. It includes giving sound and convincing reasons for sexual abstinence before marriage, raising our teenagers’ standards of expectations regarding the kind of marital relationship they are willing to wait for, instead of settling for second best. It involves developing their biblical self-respect and self-confidence so that it will motivate them to catch the vision to skillfully advance beyond the level of intimacy and harmony between husband and wife which they have seen modeled in their own home.
Healthy marriages require strenuous preparation during engagement. At no time in life is a person more motivated to work hard on relational skills than in those few precious months just prior to marriage. That overwhelming sense of optimism and confidence that comes from “feeling in love” provides a unique window of opportunity for a couple-to-be to honestly face issues that normally would be neatly locked deeply beneath their self-protective psychological defense mechanisms. The ancient adage, “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” is true; facing potential problems in marriage before they say “I do” is vastly preferable to trying to pick up the scattered pieces afterwards.
Healthy marriages need extra encouragement during the parenting years. That is when the initial glowing willingness to sacrifice anything for each other tends to fade (backslide?) into self-centeredness and conflict as life’s priorities get powerfully tested by pressures growing concurrently with babies and toddlers.
Healthy marriages still need continual attention in the empty nest years. Cars need regular maintenance. Bodies need physical checkups. Teachers and doctors need continuing education. Workers need training for new skills. It should not seem strange to us, then, that marriages of all stages of life need similar maintenance for healthy relational growth.
—Dale Johnsen
Healthy marriages require strenuous preparation during engagement. At no time in life is a person more motivated to work hard on relational skills than in those few precious months just prior to marriage. That overwhelming sense of optimism and confidence that comes from “feeling in love” provides a unique window of opportunity for a couple-to-be to honestly face issues that normally would be neatly locked deeply beneath their self-protective psychological defense mechanisms. The ancient adage, “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” is true; facing potential problems in marriage before they say “I do” is vastly preferable to trying to pick up the scattered pieces afterwards.
Healthy marriages need extra encouragement during the parenting years. That is when the initial glowing willingness to sacrifice anything for each other tends to fade (backslide?) into self-centeredness and conflict as life’s priorities get powerfully tested by pressures growing concurrently with babies and toddlers.
Healthy marriages still need continual attention in the empty nest years. Cars need regular maintenance. Bodies need physical checkups. Teachers and doctors need continuing education. Workers need training for new skills. It should not seem strange to us, then, that marriages of all stages of life need similar maintenance for healthy relational growth.
—Dale Johnsen